Archive for November, 2009

My future husband

So my friend Kyler told me today who my future husband is going to be. I love him 🙂

He’s not a skinny little turd like me, he’s a big boy (not like a fatso or anything) with a big voice and an even bigger laugh. He has kindof short black hair and listens to indi music. he’s a man’s man but not the kind that dominates a relationship, just the kind thats enough of a bad A to lead ol Sarah Beth. He’s got some really cool tatoos that are artsy and in no way trashy. his earse are may be gauged. Everybody knows what a nice guy he is. He has blue eyes that say if ya fall i’ll allways catch you. and he also has ADHD, but he has it under controle.

So if you are a man and fit this description please ask me out. Kthnx!


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1. I am addicted to fantasy.

I can’t remember when it really started…so maybe it’s always been. I’ve been reading since I was really young and I can’t say when reading turned to obsession but it did and here I am. For as long as I can remember, I’ve almost literally ate books. I couldn’t read them fast enough. I couldn’t buy or borrow enough. Every single fiction book I could find, especially those with a heroine, I would.

These books gave me a world where I could call the shots. Whatever the story was, I would transport myself into it and mold it how I wanted it. I would make myself the heroine, able to take on anything. I was always very athletic, could fight and defeat most guys. Sometimes I had magical abilities, sometimes I was just incredibly smart. I always looked amazing, said the right thing, oozed confidence, and all the guys wanted to marry me. If I wasn’t reading a book, I was daydreaming inside one of the books.

This got to a very scary point. I almost disconnected with reality. Before bed every night, when I was all snuggled up under the covers, I would start imagining myself in one of the stories. This was a good segway between awake and asleep and helped me to fall asleep very fast.

I remember one night I was imagining myself in a magic story, where I was a young magician learning how to properly use magic. I don’t think I ever fell asleep, or maybe I did. But the imagining/dream was different than it ever had been before. It was real. Not in the sense that I was actually a magician, but that in my mind it was real. It was no longer just a fantasy, it was becoming my reality. And while I was going through this storyline in my head, I knew that there was something wrong. I knew that something wasn’t right. There was a battle going on for my mind, spiritual warfare right there in my bedroom. I remember having the worst headache I’d ever had and tossing and turning, trying to break out of the fantasy and get back to the REAL reality. Satan and his demons had a strong hold and tried to keep me locked into that world.

It was tempting. I was already pretty. I didn’t have to worry about being accepted. I always had a witty line to say. Everything was bright and green. I could defeat evil, every time. I had that one guy who loved me and would do anything for me. But God didn’t let me fall into that trap. His angels were fighting for me and used the headache to break me out of the fantasy, to let me know that it wasn’t real, that something wasn’t right. So I fought alongside them and suddenly I bolted upright in my bed, completely awake…free.

I still day dream. I still love reading and escaping for a little while. I still have that storybook romance waiting to be fulfilled. But ever since that night, I’ve never taken it too far. I’ve made sure to spend the majority of my time in the here and now. The here and now where I don’t always know what to say. Where I’m intimidated by women my age. Where I can’t wait for Prince Charming and settle for Prince No Name. Where I don’t seem to stand out at all. But where I have a relationship with God my Father, Lover and Protector and Redeemer of my soul. And that’s all I want.

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 18For Insignificantly smallthe wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,

 19because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.

 20For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

 21For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

 22Professing to be wise, they became fools,

 23and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

 24Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.

 25For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

 26For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,

 27and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

 28And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,

 29being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips,

 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,

 31without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;

 32and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

The gospel is the power of God and is used to bring salvation to anyone. It reveals the righteousness of God starting in faith and ending in faith. V16, 17

God has been revealed to all mankind since creation. Every aspect of his power and divinity are inherent in creation and every man has had the chance to understand and accept Him. V20

There are those who are unrighteous, who suppress the truth, that do not honor God or give Him thanks, who have dark hearts and futile thinking. They think they are wise but are fools and replaced God with mere symbols and images imitating His creation. V21,22,23

Because these people rejected God, He did not stop the influence of lust to turn their hearts impure. He did not stop them from dishonoring their bodies. He gave them up to their passions, exchanging love with the opposite to love with the same. He did not stop them from receiving the consequences and the curses that quickly follow these sins. He gave them up to their own minds, filled with evil and malice, covetousness and unrighteousness, envy and strife, murder and deceit. They became gossipers, slanderers, liars, thieves, cheaters, murderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless, and worse of all, inventors of evil. Though they understand their punishment, their curse, their death sentence, they continue in their lifestyle and encourage others to do the same. They exchanged God’s truth for lies. They did not see fit to acknowledge their holy Lord and so God let them follow the path they wanted. V24-32

God is not a God of dictatorship. He is not a puppet-master. He will not make someone do what they do not want to do. Those that want to have sex when they want, those that want to feel miserable, those that want to chase the money, those that want to be prideful, those are the people that are allowed to. Where does God stop you from doing so? When has He tied you to your bed so that you cannot get up and go buy drugs? When has He in any way kept you from what you want?

You were arrested? As a consequence of your own actions, doing exactly what you wanted to do! You were in a car wreck? Again, your actions are responsible not God. Will you curse God for Him allowing you to do what you want and so incur the consequences? You think He should let you have sex as much as you want but not actually get AIDS or pregnant? You think you should be able to sit on your butt all day and get promoted in your job?

Have there been instances that you felt God supernaturally working to keep you from pulling the trigger on that gun or from going to that party or from walking to that street corner? That is not a God that keeps you from what you want, that is a God recognizing that you do not truly want that! God knows you inside and out and can feel your hurts. He knows that you are trying to fill holes that you will never be able to fill. He’s trying to save you. Beware that you do not reject His rescues, because you have no guarantee that they will continue to come. Your heart may harden and His voice may fade away.


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